"I'M not that big a fan of marriage as an institution and I don't know why women need to have children to be seen as complete human beings"
-- Marisa Tomei
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that's because she doesn't have children
1155 points
Oh please...not everyone wants or needs to have kids.
I love my friends kids, but I see no need to have my own. I have a wonderful man, a great career, and am happy with my life. Because we are not throwing down $50k to get married, or deciding to have kids make me less of a woman? Nope.
She said women "feel the need to have children to be seen as complete human beings." How does she know how other women feel? I wouldn't leap to surmise how she feels about having children, so she shouldn't do it about other women. We all choose to have, or not have, children for our personal reasons. She is making the right choice for herself. Let us make what we feel is the right choice for us.
maybe she knows because she has FRIENDS and actually talks to them and listens to them instead of just giving an opinion on a blog.
druggie
3330 points
I feel sorry for people like this. Then again, if she doesnt want to be married or have kids, good for her for recognizing it. If she forced herself to do it, we'd have yet another divorce and neglected child in America.
i agree with her regarding children, i have been asked so many times when i'm going to have children. I'm 33y.o. and don't feel ready for them. I don't desire them, esp in this society. It really is OK to not have children if one chooses not to.
Some people KNOW--plain and simple--that they don't EVER want to have kids. I don't. I say, GOOD FOR HER!
Good for you for saying it. It's hard to be a woman over 35 in today's society that does not have children. And you are made to feel like you have a wasted life, not fair. We are all humans weather we have no children or litters of children.
this is an idiotic comment if i've ever read one! It is human nature to have children, to reproduce, to continue the cycle. if all women took this approach, the human race would die off!
300 points
I'm glad for women like her that choose not to have kids; they compensate for the ones who feel they should have a bunch of kids just to save the human race!
36130 points
Yea, that's why the world is so overpopulated and getting worse. There is more famine, hunger, and poverty around the world every day. But you know, who cares, right? Lets all just go ahead and have 14, like that freak show did not long ago? That's perfectly okay, right? Not! The human race is exactly what is wrong with the world. Lets keep up the destructive cycle, kill off all the other living creatures and keep the world for ourselves. Ugh...
Actually in developed countries, especially those like Japan, the rate of population growth is extremely low and their populations are "top heavy" which means the number of older adults is starting to outnumber the young, putting great strain on the younger population to support and look after these elderly. Developed countries need to start having MORE children in order to be able to support their aged populations. It's the developing countries that are overpopulated with young.
1155 points
Wow...your social theory is off here...you took parts of things and mashed it together to win your argument. You left of the changing in infant mortality rates, or accounting for class with in a developed society. Look at the US and the number of children who live below the poverty level and tell me that developed nations don't have this problem!
All I meant is that it's not so cut and dry...I didn't want to launch into a 3000 word response on a gossip site :) You're totally right, there is a lot of problems even in developed countries, but it's also true the US has areas that are basically like developing countries...so obviously this is a very complicated issue. Just saying, it's not so simple as "ahh overpopulation, devastation everywhere".
wow! you hit the nail right on the head the human race is exactly what is wrong with this world.
well, a lot of women decided not have children and we still are here. in overpopulation.
thanks to brad&angie.
And if every woman were to reproduce, the world's natural resources would be depleted in less than a century. Not every woman is meant to have children, nor should they be viewed as idiotic because they don't feel it is right for them. You are idiotic for saying that.
you sound so angry. What the matter not getting laid enough? Had so many kids your hole's too big to feel pleasure?
Her statement seems a little too defensive. Typically when someone makes such a blunt statement like that about marriage/kids, it's because they really want the package (not being critical of her). She just seems like a very unhappy person. I'm not arguing with her statement about not having kids (I'm not having any), but her defense just seems a little off.
300 points
Sometimes that kind of statement is defensive, I'm sure, but speaking from experience, sometimes you just get incredibly sick of answering the question. My husband and I have been married 17 years and we, by choice, do not have children. I cannot tell you how many times I am asked, often by people I have just met, why I don't have children or don't I feel like I'm missing out on the point of life or don't I feel like I'm denying my husband, etc. Usually I answer nicely, but sometimes when I am just sick of the nonsense, I am at least as blunt as Ms Tomei was, so I'm going to take her at her word here.
There is nothing wrong with being married or single, having kids or not.
The problem is trying to be someone else you're not just to fit in or be accepted by others.
We have to be centered, follow our intuition, our truth and, first of all, respect ourselves...
Having a husband, children, fame, money, doesn't mean that you will be completely happy...
I think when you are a woman who does not have children and you are over a certain age. This question of "why not" becomes something you are continuously asked. So you may become a little defensive, not that I think she sounds defensive at all, but it seem like other people do. Would it be ok to go up to someone who's child spends 8 hours in day care a day and say "WHY"? No that would not be excepted, but with childless children anything goes..
Interesting that if a man made this comment no one would be so rude as to suggest that men are only on the planet to reproduce, yet if a woman says she doesn't want children there is something wrong with her or she must be lying.
I don't want children and don't think its the be all and end all of life to have a child. Better to know your own mind, than have a child and not be a good parent.
Spoken like a childless old maid.
1155 points
Hmm...sounds like a welfare mom troll
You may just be saying this to get something started, but really who uses the term "old maid" anymore? I mean that is pathetic. If a woman does not want to be married or have children she should be as respected as any other person. You sound like you might be jealous of her status. Having any regrets?
I'll be she (Marissa) was glad that her Mom had kids. Ya think???
I don't think all women have to get married or have children so that is her choise. But I chose to do both and I am very happy, and at the same time, having children did not complete me as a human being. I was complete before they came. They just added to my world. Maybe to some women, they would not feel complete without children, but I think the majority of women feel complete, the children just add.
Also there are women who say they never want toget married or have kids, then one day, later in life they find that guy, and there they are at 40 having their first baby! That happened to a friend of my mother's.
14205 points
The human race is in no danger of dying off anytime soon... her comments do sound very defensive- perhaps she was asked a question that sparked it?
I respect the ones that don't want to get married for different reasons, i also respect the fact that some people do not want children. its our choice, but i find it simply stupid to go and say that you don't understand procreation. If i look closely, she condemns society for forcing women to have children. Which is totally wrong. A woman with child has a harder time to find a job because they fear she might not give 100%. It happened to me 100 times, so Marisa...you're wrong
Good for her for saying it. I don't have kids. I cant stand kids and I don't want them, and neither does my husband. We're in our 30s. People look at us like we are crazy when they find out we don't have kids yet and aren't going to have them. We even had trouble finding a doctor that would do a vasectomy on a childless person. I do NOT understand why everyone is so "OMG BABIES BABIES BABIES, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU IF YOU DONT WANT BABIES."
Interesting that you had trouble finding a doctor who would let you make the choice to be childless, but there does not seem to be a shortage of doctors who say......."Oh why adopt, let's mix up some babies in a petri dish and implant as many as will fit into your uterus." Because every woman should expericance birth! It's natural!
Yes, we went to 2 other doctors who both refused, and the 3rd doctor tried to talk us out of it but still ended up doing it. And you know, it's not a decision (despite that my original post may have seemed a bit flippant about it) we made lightly. But I'm 33, my husband is 36 and we've been together for over 10 years. We knew that children were not for us, for a multitude of reasons. And I don't blame Marisa Tomei for making such a blunt statement, because it can get wearisome having people constantly asking if you have kids, when are you going to have kids, why don't you have kids...I try to be polite about it too, but sometimes I just snap. Especially when moms with kids either act pitying to me, or I get the attitude like I am some selfish ice bitch because I chose to never reproduce.
Or if you show a little bit of interest in their children they think you want them! Just because I don't have children doesn't mean I don't like them. I love kids I just don't want my own......or YOURS.
25245 points
Oh that is a very good point about the doctor refusing treatment. If you were pregnant and wanted an abortion you would need to go thru counselling to make sure you could handle your decision but you dont need any screening to make sure you can handle any babies you might bring into the world. This woman who had the octuplets is a great example of someone who probably should have some counselling . And all these multiple families ( Like the Duggars and everyone they know ) are having enough to populate the world when I choose not to.
We choose to be childfree as well and it wasnt taken lightly either but its the right decision for us. Kids arent for everyone.
It's apparent if this is what she believes she doesn't "get it" at all. It not about feeling complete it's about wanting to give love and sacrifices for another human being other than yourself. GIVING not receiving. But with that said sounds like she made the right decision for herself. Not all are up for the journey. ")
It not about feeling complete it's about wanting to give love and sacrifices for another human being other than yourself. GIVING not receiving.
This can only be done by giving birth???????
Excellent point!
Great point. Adopt a child, do Big Brothers/Big Sisters, volunteer, whatever. There are a lot of people already BORN that need someone to love and take care of them.
300 points
What a smug tw^t you are. Honey, I've been a social worker for over ten years and believe me when I say that there are millions of people out there having children for themselves, because they're emotionally stunted ^ssholes, rather than because they're these amazing unselfish giving angels.
They have them to carry on a family name, or so there's someone to love them, or to get more welfare money, or to keep their babydaddy from running off (as if that EVER works, and yet women do that CONSTANTLY), or because they bow to peer or parental pressure ("Give me some grandchildren!"), or because a baby is an accessory that completes their lifestyle like a freaking belt or handbag.
In fact, MOST people have children for reasons that suit themselves, not because they have this burning urge to GIVE rather than receive. And then I get to try and fix them after a lifetime of existing because of someone else's psychological trauma.
Well said!! It's the social workers who are blamed when the parent lights the kid on fire. I usually find it is woman who condemn other woman when they don't have children, yet complain about their own children constantly. I believe they want you to be as miserable as they are.
That said, there are some children I have met that are precious and make me want to have one. If you don't want one though, don't let the bullies influence you otherwise.
Feminism just made woman have to do more-work, raise the kids and clean the house. Are we condemned if we just want a career? Try working with moms and feel the resentment in the air when you tell them you don't have kids. Marisa is my hero!!
68162 points
Um since when did marriage become an institution instead of an act of love?
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many women marry just to not feel alone. others marry to not be single parents. sorry to say, but not all people marry for love, just for convenience.
68162 points
Yeah so why did people let it become this way? Marriage is a sacred thing. It's not good to marry someone just because you don't want to be alone. There are some issues that need solved there. Fear.
Visit my fashion blog!
25245 points
lol hate to break it to you but marriage was a contract for many many years only to benefit the families you married into.
23155 points
I guess some people don't want the family thing. My life would be incomplete without my family.
Wonder what she thinks about Octo Mom.
Completely agree with her!! And judging on most comments here, I can see why she would feel the need to say something like this. Mothers with kids can have the worst attitude about women who choose not to have kids. You say that you don't want kids and you are labeled as bitter, jealous, defensive, odd, etc., etc......Some women *shocking* do not want kids! A woman is a woman regardless of whether or not she has children! *shocking again* Women are not just on this earth to be baby makers. Great if you want a child, great if you don't want a child. I think the women who call women who don't want kids all sorts of names are the ones that are jealous of the freedom that women without kids have.
gosh, did we expect anying else of empty hollywood shell? it is an ''it' thing to say in hollywood, in part because they are too narcissistic to share their love with someone else, part because they are brainwashed, part because they keep creating fake images for tjemselves, part because they make millions and are positively sure that their unions will not last due to greed and narcissism.
SHES STUPID ITS BECAUSE ITS WHAT WE WERE BORN TO DO. HAVING A CHILD DOES MAKE U COMPLETE ITS THE ULTIMATE LOVE. IF U WERE NOT MENT TO DO IT YOU WOULD HAE BEEN BORN A MAN
1155 points
I don't know if it the comment itself the allcaps that shows your lack of intelligence....what about woman who are unable to have children? What were they BORN to do?
300 points
LOL
I'm happily married and have two beautiful children and no I did not have them to feel complete....what an idiot statement. I don't judge people who decided to not to have children or get married because I know children and marriage isn't for everybody, but why is she putting the people who does decide to get married and/or have children down. I guess it's true what they say about women, they are catty, mean, bitter, jealous and so judgemental.
6695 points
Marisa is NOT putting anyone down. She's just saying how she feels about marriage and having kids.
I would much rather hear these kinds of comments than put up with nutjobs like the octuplet lady who has 14 children because she needs to feel complete. Why should we attack someone because they don't want to have children? Better no children than 14 that taxpayers have to support.
wow she doen't look 45 years old at all i thought she's 27 year old she's looks gorgeous with a young body i goodness 45 is like that , btw what happen with the rest of the article all i see is two sentense they are taking it out of contest.
*my goodness*
wow she doen't look 45 years old at all i thought she's 27 year old she's looks gorgeous with a young body my goodness 45 is like that , btw what happened with the rest of the article all i see is two sentenses which it looks they are thaken out of contest.
I SEE ONLY TWO SENTENSES , SEEMS LIKE IT'S TAKEN OUT OF CONTEST , SO DON'T ATTACK THESE POOR GIRL BEFORE READING THE REST OF THE ARTICLE.
Believe me, I had a good share of situations where people looked at me like I had 3 heads, when they found out I don't want to have any kids. I'm in my early 30's and don't plan on having them. I'm married, my husband doesn't want them either. And I find it VERY rude for people to ask "why not ?", I simply answer " why do you ask ? ". I mean this is the most personal decision a person can make , how is that anybody else's business ? And it's simply rude. And that's what I say to anyone who ask me why I don't want kids.
We're in our 40s and didn't have kids. No regrets. We both wanted to work and have a career and didn't believe it was appropriate to have kids and put them in daycare all the time, especially when they are infants. I could never trust leaving my children with strangers this day and time.
I think at least 25% of all women have children for the WRONG reasons:
1) they think they're supposed to
2) they think they will be looked upon as "abnormal" in some way
3) they think they'll hold onto their husbands tighter
4) they think having babies will make their marriage stronger
5) they got pregnant so that if their husbands divorced them, they would get more money in a divorce
6) to go along with the crowd
i don't see why a comment like this even has to be made. it sounds like someone is trying to cover up something she feels bad/guilty for. and she should't. rule of thumb the more people talk the more they are covering up.
I want to have kids because I love kids, not because I want to be seen as a "complete human being." *shakes head*
coming from a woman who doesnt want any kids I can understand her comment....whatever gets you through the night Marisa....whatever works.
184005 points
everybody is and thinks different so as long as they are happy and they don't hurt anyone with their decision it's all right with me
AMEN!!!
I totally agree with her.
300 points
Whoever said marriage is for the purpose of love is sorely mistaken. If people got married for love than no one would have a problem with gay marriage. It's a man made institution for the sole purpose of ownership over women. Today, it's an ideal of love but people get married for several reasons... and then the majority of them get divorced and remarried. I wish marriage was for the sole purpose of love. I am 24 and don't plan on getting married until gays have the right too. It's only fair. And I don't feel the need to have a piece of paper to prove my love to anyone or feel complete either. Also, to the person who said if people stopped having kids the human race would die. Not true. Do you realize how many kids don't have parents? or how many kids have shit parents who abuse or neglect them? And look at all the countries who only teach abstinence to kids or frown upon using condoms or the pill? The human race will live on whether 500,000 people or even one person decides not to have kids. Our planet is severely overpopulated so it's not a duty we humans have anymore to have kids. Why not adopt? Also, because of medicine, humans are living longer and infants don't die prematurely as often so you won't have to worry about the human population dying since we have that. And why would you want to have kids anyway when the world is crumbling before our eyes? There are wars, there are water shortages, there is an abundance of violence, there is severe hunger, allergies and diseases are going haywire, etc. Do you want to raise a child in a world like this?
Good for her. I'm getting older and I am so sick of being asked when im gonna get married or have kids. I have never wanted kids, everyone keeps saying im going to change my mind since i was a kid, but i havent. i have no problem with kids, i even plan to work with them. when it comes to having them of my own, i have enough problems, i wouldnt want to bring a child into the mix. kids are not for everyone. im completely happy being the cool aunt.
I do agree with her. With Marisa.
;)
i didn't know i really ever wanted to have kids until i got pregnant. i was single, the father chose not to hang around. i support my friends who have had abortions but i knew that choice just wasn't for me despite the situation.
and i didn't know i wanted to get married until i met a man who fell in love with my daughter just as much as i am in love with her.
it's not every woman's dream in life to have kids or be married. what a closed-minded statement.
From the time we are little girls we love baby dolls and children. Then it is only natural to fall in love and have our own. Women that don't have children only care about themselves which is fine but they need to admit that. They are too self aborbed to take care of someone else. They are better off childless. I am not speaking of women that cannot have their own children biologically of course.
You must not be very educated. God gave us free will and if we choose not to have a child even though we have the equipment it is not because we are "too self-absorbed." It is that we recognized that #1 we have the choice, #2 we are not slaves to our equipment and #3 it's good to have a brain to realize #1 and #2.
I agree with Marisa Tomei. I plan to never have children and get married. That's not for me. Im so happy Im single.
Marisa will only infuriate those who are lacking something in their own lives. No one who is content, confident, at peace with themselves would have a problem with her comment. I see her as a beautiful, talented young actress who is an individual and knows what she wants in life. Unfortunately, many women do not have this admirable quality. Marisa is an accomplished and successful actress who has "made it". Many women I know with young children (30's, 40's) are constantly "bitching" about other women's lives. They are the ones with the problems. I am 40, not married, live with my man who I love completely. We are best friends and put eachother first. We don't want children. We have a pet cat that is really our son. He is the happiest cat to me. I used to get upset when someone called me "selfish" for not wanting a child. Now, I could give 2 sh*ts. Because honestly,, it's what is good for us. We both have careers and they are priorities in our life. Adding a baby to the mix..would result in unneccesary stress and unhappiness. I say, I'm not the selfish one, because I recognize I don't want that life. I had a happy childhood, and love kids, wouldn't mind being an aunt...I just don't want that kind of life. I am strong enough to say I wouldn't make a good mother, it's not in my personality. Also, funny thing...I have no problems with gay marriage, childless couples, and generally people's personal lives...it's because I'm happy with my own, and I have CONFIDENCE in who I am.
I completely agree with her, society is quite twisted and most women and men feel that anyone especially a women without children has incomplete life which is idiotic.
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