Bill just got back from dropping the kids off at his mother’s house. I can’t find any more stories to write about and am just waiting for hubby to get out of the shower.
I am not looking forward to this trip.
She doesn’t remember me… and that is really hard to handle. She hasn’t always lived in PA. We were both in Astoria since I’ve been born. I saw her every weekend and while as we both aged, our relationship dwindled – she’s still a fond memory for me. But it’s not the other way around.
The last time I visited my grandmother we all went in and my cousin asked her, "Do you know who this is?" while pointing to me.
And she said, "Yes, she’s that man’s wife" pointing to Bill. My heart sank. It’s not her – it’s the disease. But how easily someone can change and have everyone around them change right along with them.
It’s just sad. The entire thing. The fact that I don’t really connect with my father’s family as often as I should, the fact that I don’t visit or call my grandmother because I know she won’t remember 2 seconds later, the fact that the process of dying is slow and heart wrenching.
My grandfather… actually BOTH grandfathers also died with dementia/ Alzheimer’s kicking in. So this is not a new road for me. It’s just I am much older now and have children which means I look at it differently. I don’t know how my father and his sister are handling it.
My father isn’t taking the ride with me, so I guess he is either repressing the sadness or just numb to the whole thing. My aunt lives in PA near the home, so she deals with it the most out of all of us. It’s just sad that we all aren’t closer to one another to share the responsibility and lighten her load.
Sorry so gloomy – but this could be the last time I see her.