Zooey Deschanel Is Another Celeb Who Doesn't Believe In Marriage
SO many celebrities have come out to say that they don't believe in marriage. Zooey Deschanel is the next to voice her opinion saying that marriage isn't really what love is all about.
People don't have to get married anymore. We're a generation that has progressed in many
ways, from the ones before us. I think that the idea of romantic love
is about marriage is over. Now all love is romantic love. Getting
married is not a necessity, and staying with one person is not a
necessity. You have to find out what it is for yourself, and not be a
product of what you've been taught, but a product of what you discover."
Do you agree or disagree with her? Has this generation really moved away from the idea of marriage/one partner for life? Are we so different from our parents in that aspect?
Photos by INF.
3960 points
I thought she was engaged?
she is - to ben gibbard of death cab.
It makes me sad that I feel that way too. Marriage seems so impossible this day and age.
19090 points
I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!She was adorable in Yes man and I love her music. I agree completely with her
5395 points
Love her dress.... Can't say that I agree with her thought process... Marriage is not impossible if you find the right person and work at it. Why is it harder today than it was 50 years ago ?
19090 points
What she meant was, people aren’t pressured to me married anymore, they are not pressured to show marriage as a sign of love. People get to choose to be with a person for 20 years without being scrutinized for being unmarried. 5o years ago most relationships wouldn’t be acceptable.
5395 points
Oops- I meant to reply to the post above where the poster said that marriage was impossible. I understand what Zooey was saying and it is true, to a point, but there are some of us who do believe in marriage and what it stands for.
19090 points
I believe in marrage, trust me I do, I told my bf if he ever decided to doom himself into asking me for marriage he better mean it bc I dont believe in divorce. But now a days, marraige isn't a necassity. (well maybe bc we sorta are in a recession and in the recession of the 1920's the marriags Plumiteted, fathers abandoned their families, and divorces in the 1950's soon followed).
Um she is going to marry Ben Gibbard, the lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service...does he know this? lol Someone may want to tell him.
i kind of agree with her, because in all honestly I had no intention to marry my husbad even though I love him very much. I was fully expecting that we would spend the rest of our lives together without a marriage certificate. HOWEVER, I needed to get a root canal and since I don't have dental insurance, the only way for me to get coverage was for me to get on my partner's insurance policy, and the only way to do that was to get MARRIED. yes, some insurance policies are willing to accept domestic partners, but not all. so, it's not all that surprising that celebrities are so vocal about this, because they can afford not to get married. i am sure Zooey Deschanel doesn't have to worry about how she'll be paying for a root canal if she ever needed one.
281795 points
How did you get past the "pre-existing condition" thing? Did his insurance just not worry about that? That would be awesome insurance! lol
first of all, our dental coverage and medical coverage are covered by different companies. second, needing a root canal is not considered a "pre-existing" condition. a pre-existing condition is some sort of chronic medical issue that in the long run would cost the isurance company a lot of money. having a root canal is a one shot deal (let's hope!)
What crap. No wonder kids are so screwed up today. That's the lazy way out for people who don't want to work at making a marriage last.
thank you thank you thank you!!!
This is the way people think when they prefer not to put in the work of thinking of someone else before themselves and working at a relationship.
I think today alot of people are me, me, me people. It's too difficult for them to think of another person let alone children. Too bad they have been raised to be such narcisists.
41% of first marriages, 60% of second, and 73% of third end in divorce. So the question is, is it really laziness not to bother with marriage, or just a smarter investment for high chance of breaking up?
My grandmother divorced her abusive, opium addicted, drunk of a husband, and has been living with her boyfriend (15 yrs her junior) for over 30 years. Is it laziness on my grandmother's part not to get married? No, she just doesn't want to. My former boss' grandmother was 92 when I met her, she said if she had to do it all over again, she wouldn't bother getting married to her former husband, have babies, yes, but never in a million years would she have gotten married. I could go on and on about all the little old ladies I spoke to who said to have kids, but don't bother with mariage. I think this generation sees marriage as unnecessary, because we have a much older generation saying "Why bother?"
There are exceptions to the rule, like your grandmother and many others who find themselves in abusive relationships. What people are talking about is that 41% you mentioned- that is where people are not willing to put the effort into their relationships- and if that number grows almost exponentially with the number of second/third marriages it's obvious that the majority of the people in those marriages were not wanting to do the work to make it work. She has this tone like why bother getting married it won't work out any way and that's the mentality that is unsettling. People need to learn to work for something, marriage isn't a fairytale where everything is perfect everyday it has it's ups and downs but it's definitely doable.
You know why marriages fail? Because people are less likely to put the time into them. They want convenience, they want a fairytale and thats not real. Abuse is not something to put up with for any amount of time but would she be saying "why bother?" if her first husband had truly loved her? I doubt it.
I respect her opinion, but I think it is sad that in this day and age people place so little value on marriage. I think there is a lot of value in making a commitment to someone and if one doesn't feel they are able to make such a commitment, I believe that they are not ready to be married. I realize this sounds old fashioned, but I think celebrities are not good examples of healthy relationships.
Exactly, thank you!
exactly. Her opinion sounds like a cop-out.
I always felt this way until i got married last summer and i loved it every second of it:) and i am very unromantic person:).
1800 points
...Because what's okay for Hollywood stars is perfectly alright for the rest of the world!
Star who think this have to be the most emotional immature, naive, and lonely people out there. And selfish.
Uum, every girl is not dying to get married. Things are not the same these days, as they once were. I think that people make a total mockery of marriage and take it too lightly. When I hear about someone (celeb or not) getting married for the 2nd or 3rd time, it's not surprising. How sad is it that, that is not unheard of? Just as annoying as some of you find it that she has these views........it is MORE annoying when a girl is so naive and thinks that if your dating somebody until a certain point, its marriage or dismissal. How effing stupid is that???? If somebody wants to marry you, they will ask you. Everybody is different, whats right for you isn't right for everyone else! GOSH!!!!! It's called independence, some women like it.
so what works for you doesn't work for the girls who want to be married. get over it.
I think people like her put to much emphasis on what today's society thinks of marrige, rather than actually thinking of marrige as something that is very special that two people wish to share with each other. It's not about what other people think, it's about what you feel in your heart. Marrige is very spirtural and sacred and should not be thought of lightly.
as for the women who said she got married for dental insurance, that is just tackey and utterly unmoral. People like her are whats wrong with todays society's way of thinking.
Dont marry for money, benefits, ect.......marry because that is what your body, mind, heart and soul are telling you to do.
Another lame celebrity trying to sound profound. Remember Scarlett Johansson's constant rant about not believing in monogamy and then she ups and marry. they say this shit to make themselves not appear desperate.
Who says once you are married you stay monogamous? Maybe they have an open relationship, but intelligently keep their yaps closed and not say anything.
7930 points
I completely agree with her. Getting married isn't something I want to do. I don't need marriage to have a commitment with my partner. My bf and I are in love and want to be together forever, we are committed. Period. I don't need a wedding to confirm or validate our relationship. And, I definitely don't need him to put a ring on my finger for me to know how much he loves me. I know how much he loves me by the things he do for me and the way he treats me. People are in love with the idea of marriage and nothing else. So many marriages don't make it because people think marriage makes the relationship. No, your relationship makes the marriage. If you don't have love, trust, commitment, communication, honesty etc before you get married, you won't have it after. Anyway, most of the people in hollyweird get married for necessity (i.e. money, fame status, etc.) BTW, just because YOU don't agree with a person's OPINION doesn't mean they are naive and immature. My opinion on marriage is my opinion. I want call another person names just because they don't agree.
4130 points
I may not agree with her... But I think shes adorable. I cant believe shes the OLDER sister of the chick on Bones
she's not the older she's the younger
I totally don't agree with her at all as far as that being the mentality among young people. I am in my mid twenties and have a lot of friends that fall into that age group and they all see marriage as a step in their life. I understand that in Hollywood there are a lot of extra pressures and it is harder to make them work because of schedules- but I don't think that has rubbed off on everyday people. I think the biggest problem today is that everyone is all about instant gratification- they have a problem- they move on. Fairytales really did do us a disservice in thinking that if it's love it's just easy and it works effortlessly. I am engaged now to someone I have dated 4 years and I know it's not a walk in the park- you have to put the health of your relationship right up there with your career and anything else that is important to you and it takes time- people just aren't willing to do that anymore and it's sad.
5395 points
EXACTLY ! Thanks ;)
2670 points
I agree with her, even though i'm 21 & i already have friends my age married. Plus, i've been living with my bf for almost 5 yrs and none of us feels the need to get married just to validate our relationship.
But i still don't like her, i don't know why.
WOw you've been living with your boyfriend since you were 16?
2670 points
yes
3730 points
She is sooo beautiful. I'm not sure I totally follow her reasoning, but i'm glad she's happy.
I don't agree. I'm not going to let a man string me along for years and years. I've always wanted to get married, not because that's what I've been taught, but because that's what I BELIEVE in. And I'm definitely not going to conform just because celebrities and other random people decide it's not for them.
515 points
I don't think the generation has moved away from marriage/one-partner. I just think those who dissent from the expected norm are more likely to speak out now. They've always been around. For myself, I am all for one-partner and marriage. I give so much of myself to the one I love that I could not go through the heartache of ending relationships too many times.
515 points
I don't think the generation has moved away from marriage/one-partner. I just think those who dissent from the expected norm are more likely to speak out now. They've always been around. For myself, I am all for one-partner and marriage. I give so much of myself to the one I love that I could not go through the heartache of ending relationships too many times.
I understand where she is coming from and when I was in college I used to think that as long as you were committed to each other then there is no difference. I did end up getting married right out of college at 22 but it wasn't because we felt pressured but because we knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other (I live in Boston where I actually have to defend why I would get married so young so it definitely wasn't something people expected of me). We've been married 2 years now and I can tell you marriage is something to be valued. I have seen friends who have moved in with their boyfriends and the same commitment isn't there. When things get rough they don't have the same incentive or level of commitment to work it out. I know a lot of marriages end up in divorce these days as well but at least for me, it means that we are committed to making it last. My marriage is sacred to me and I don't believe our relationship would be quite the same without it. So while I understand where Zooey is coming from, I completely disagree.
when you are worried about losing your money in another marriage of convenience when you are fake and loose touch with your inner self when everyone and everything is artificial around you you make 'do not believe in a marriage' your mantra...how can you expect to end up with someone genuine...??
She says that but she sounds like she's discovered that being married is important to her. after all she is engaged.
People marry because of societal pressure or familial pressure... it's a way to make the relationship look legitimate I guess... I do agree with Zoe that marriage isn't necessary when both parties love each other
2490 points
I did not get married directly because of societal pressure or familial pressure, but I probably got married because indirectly society and my family instilled this idea in me that if you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and start a family with, you celebrate that by marrying them.
For my family, getting married definitely did legitimize my relationship with my now-husband, and although it was not the reason i got married, it was a fantastic perk. I am close to my family, and I don't want them to have negative feelings about my boyfriend b/c they questioned his commitment/intentions until we got married. I couldn't change their beliefs in marriage if I tried. So yes, it was a nice perk!
That said, I wonder about my own kids. I am unlikely to raise them the way I was raised. Maybe my generation will be the last to get married? The fact that I'm simply curious about that (rather than appalled by it) does suggest something, huh?
Thats such a general statement. People can and do get married because they want to be married.
I don't believe in marriage either. I think if you're with one person happily for the rest of your life that's wonderful, but I just don't think it's the norm or realistic. I know a lot of unhappily married people and I just think what's the point? They stay together for the kids? I'm a product of that and trust me it's no better than having divorced parents. At least divorced parents have a shot at finding happiness and showing their kids that does exist and you can be in another happy relationship and a woman doesn't have to stay trapped forever in an unhappy relationship. One of my life mottos is "A relationship is like a wave, ride it til crashes."
That's a sad motto. What when it crashes? You just bail out? That way of thinking is what causes high divorce rates and even unhappier people. People in unhappy marriages are those who aren't putting in the effort to make it better or are married and together for the wrong reasons. A relationship takes work and time even when it crashes. A relationship is more like a car. It needs to a tune up to keep it in shape and when its a lemon to start with it, don't buy it!
2134155 points
I do believe in marriage and i hope my children will too. I think it's a sacred and very intimate union. It's unique , it's something where given advices simply do not work. It's the way to evolve and be a better person for me. Having said all of that, i absolutely understand what any other pesron will say and respect all opinions, afterall we are all different and unique. We build our lives the way we wanted to(well most of us, i do know there unfortunate people who's lives being decided for them and they don't have control over it)
she is a fine one to talk considering that she is engaged!
So we should all be a nation of bed hopping whores? She doesn't see the need to be with just one person anymore???? Man the devil has sure done his job.
So if our generation is last to get married then are we going to have siblings running around with all different fathers?
My father has been married 8 times my mother 2. I have 6 siblings that are all halfs. I have seen people married for years that are miserable and bitter but stay together because they have made it this far together. Is that what life is all about? I want to believe in forever but even when you have forever, you usually end up depressed and resentful of the other. I have been with my partner 6 yrs and am in my late 20s. In my early 20s I was dying to get married now as I get older and more weary I am kind of glad that we didnt. Then again sometimes it makes me sad. The world is imperfect and a union of two imperfect people will always be imperfect.
Marriage isn't what ruins a relationship it is that exact thought that does. Non-married people stay in unhappy relationships for their children too so that argument doesn't hold water either. What you and other people need to do is stop looking at other people's lives and relationships and stop judging your own by those. You will not be happy. I've seen marriages that have lasted nearly 20 years and it looks like the first year. Why? Because they work on it, love each other, and don't care what other people think about it.
Weddings are tacky, selfish and over the top. Marriage is a nice idea but all it is, is an idea. In this day in age with lots of women choosing not have kids marriage is just not our list of priorities anymore. Some of us want to travel the world, live the good life not be strapped down by marriage and kids. People change so much over the course of their lives to expect someone to be there when you are 30 and still at 50 is a totally not realistic idea. I dont know who I am going to be at 40 why would I say I plan on being with the same person then? Plus 90% of the married people I know are MISERABLE. Thanks but no thanks.
90% of the married people I know are married and truly happy, seriously. Must suck to know miserable people like that but then again you don't sound too different with your disillusioned attitude. In my world it is very realistic to be married 20+ years (I've seen it several times), grow as a person, still love and be loved all the while having children, traveling and being happy. You'd think that was uncommon, that you'd have to choose one or the other but nope it's totally doable for those of us who can prioritize the life we want. Also, other people's weddings have nothing to do with you and don't require your approval so be grateful if anyone invites you to celebrate their relationship at their "tacky, over the top and selfish" wedding.
By the way, aren't they allowed to be selfish to a degree? It is their wedding or should they focus on you for some reason?
7930 points
Most of the reasoning people give for getting married goes completely over my head. You will never end up with someone genuine if you don't get married? Why? This goes back to what I was saying earlier: people have unrealistic expectations when it comes to marriage and what you will get out of it. And, that is why so many fail. I have been with my bf since the summer before freshman year, we are now rising seniors. Our relationship gets hard but we are 100% committed to each other and committed to making our relationship last forever. We don't need marriage to fight for what we have. Our love connects us to each other, not some marriage license.
I didn't think I would get married - not because I didn't believe in marriage - but because I never thought I would find someone that I would want to commit myself to for the rest of my life. However, I did and we'll be married in a couple of months and I couldn't be happier about the decision. Everybody's different and sometimes life throws you for a loop and you end up not at all where you thought you would be.
I also think you taking liberties with what she is saying and declaring that she doesn't believe in marriage isn't exactly accurate and doesn't match with what the quote is really saying.
wow. for some reason to my older sister and i when reading this article of her we both think like, what then? is she some sorta swinger? lol, she is so cute, kinda odd though, but in a cute way! ^_^
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