I wanted to get this all out before I let it go and move on with the day. It was a sad meeting yesterday.

My grandmother was moved to the hospice floor of the hospital because too many things have gone wrong with her and surgery just isn't worth it. 

All she does is sleep... I'm guessing because her body is slowing giving up. Her mind already has.

It was sad to see her so frail. She didn't say much... and neither did we. My family and I just talked to one another while she slept in her chair - tubes everywhere.

This is no way to live.

So. I've let go because it's really time to say goodbye. 

The good news is she remembered me for a moment. My aunt said to her, "Do you remember Bill and Vera?" and she looked at us back and forth not connecting the picture to a memory... and then her eyes opened up, she tapped her brain and then smiled. So at least I really connected one last time.

Then as we left, my aunt gave me a moment to say my last goodbye and I had no idea what to say. I wanted to tell her that I do things she did with me to my daughter - like the way I put her pants on. I always put my arm inside the jeans and grab Natalie's foot and then pull it down with my hand because that's how she used to dress me. I always thought that was so funny growing up and I started doing it without really thinking about it when I had my own kids.

But all I ended up saying was, "Goodbye Grandma, I love you. Make sure you eat something."

Before I went to sleep last night I kind of said my goodbyes internally. Cried on and off all day yesterday - and I mean all day. Bill is my rock, I must have told him I loved him a dozen times.

Today is my other grandmother's birthday party (my nanna). I am sure I am going to be SO MUCH FUN there - but I do feel better having seen my father's mother one last time. 

Sorry for the gloom - but it's just been a long weekend.